


Magic Alone

by Imperias



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Home Alone (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-21 00:29:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17032836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imperias/pseuds/Imperias
Summary: The McCallisters are a ancient wizarding family. After an unfortunate accident, the children are all born squibs except for the miracle that is Kevin McCallister.





	1. Home

Chaos, Kevin thought, then about three seconds later he changed his views on his family to crazy. He could hear everyone rushing about for their trip to France and why because it was full of love. He sighed and pulled the pillow over his head to drown out the noise coming from downstairs. When that didn't work he got up out of bed and found his uncle Frank sorting through some old junk the spare in the room.

“Uncle Frank, I'm bored, can I watch Predator?” Kevin asked him, he slowly turned around, in his weird way he did “ Kevin, you're supposed to be packing and No its R18. Now go, I need to find my crystal spoons” he snapped and turned back to whatever he was doing.

“Oh man, this family sucks’ Kevin grumbled, then he stomped off to find his mom.

“Mom, Uncle Frank won't let me watch a movie, but the big kids can. Why can't I?” 

“Kevin, I'm on the phone”. She said rolling her eyes at him” When do you come back? Not 'til then?”

“It's not even rated R. He's just being a jerk.”

“Kevin, if Uncle Frank says no, then it must be really bad. No, we put the dog in the kennel for the-- Hey hey hey, get off! Kevin, out of the room.” she said trying to shoo him off the bed.

“Hang up the phone and make me, why don't ya?” he said without thinking and his mom stopped in her tracks and eyed him hesitantly..

His father then entered the room “Kate, did you pick up those..Gah, what's that blasted muggle contraption called again?”

“Peter!” his mom shouted at his father and Kevin looked at up at his parent's weird behavior and then shook his head. Parents were so weird it wasn't funny, Kevin thought looking back down at his magazine.

“I mean did you pick up a voltage adaptor thing?”

“No, I didn't have time to do that.

“Then how do I shave in France?”

“Grow a goatee or..”

”Dad “ Kevin interrupted “nobody will let me do anything.” 

“You don't have anything to do? I have something for you to do. You can pick up those Micro Machines that are all over in there” his father said pointing out of the room to the toys sitting next to the stairs “ Aunt Leslie stepped on one of them and almost broke her neck”

“Really!? I wish I was there to see that” Kevin said smirking and rubbing his hands together.

“He was in the garage again playing with the glue gun.” his mother had said, looking all weird like while his father looked at him with horror.

“Didn't we talk about that? “

“Did I burn down the joint? I don't think so. I was making ornaments out of fish hooks.”

“My new fish hooks?

“I can't make them out of old ones, with dry worm guts stuck on them.

 

“Peter...?

“Come on, Kevin. Out.” his father said then picked him up while aunt Leslie entered the room.

“Peter, Kate, do you guys have one of those voltage adaptors?”

“Here! Here's a voltage adapter! “ His father said, handing him over to his aunt.

“Oh God, you're getting heavy!” she said dropping him to ground “Go pack your suitcase.” she hustled him out the door and closed it behind him.

Weird he thought, then hushed voices and flickering lights came from his parent's room. Adults are so weird. He shook his head “Pack my suitcase?” he grumbled then headed back to his room.

 

“I don't know how to pack a suitcase. I've never done this once in my whole life,” he mumbled.

“Tough.” His brother Jeff said grabbing his own suitcase.

“That's what Megan said”

“What did I say?” his sister Megan said appearing next to Jeff.

“You told Kevin "Tough."

“The dope was whining about a suitcase. What was I supposed to say? "Congratulations, you're an idiot"?

“I'm not an idiot!”

“Oh, really? You're completely helpless! Everyone has to do everything for you.

“She's right, Kev.”  
:  
“Excuse me, puke-breath. I'm a lot smaller than you. I don't know how to pack a suitcase.”

“I hope you didn't just pack crap, Jeff.” his younger sister Linnie said

“Shut up, Linnie.”

“Do you know what I should pack?”

“Buzz told you, cheek-face. Toilet paper and water. “ Jeff said pushing Linnie out of the way with his suitcase in his other hand. 

“Listen, Kevin, what are you so worried about? You know Mom's gonna pack your stuff, anyway. You're what the French call "les incompetents".

“What?”

“Bombs away! His brother said throwing his bag down the stairs.

“P.S.: You have to sleep on the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he's going to wet the bed, “ she said with an evil grin, flicking her hair and walking out with Megan by her side.

“This house is so full of people. It makes me sick! When I grow up and get married, I'm living alone!

“Did you hear me?”

“I'm living alone! I'm living alone! I'm living alone” the whole house started to shake and no one knew better than the guy standing at the doorway.

 

Kevin stopped his tirade and entered Buzz’s room.

“Who's gonna feed your spider while we're gone and where did you get it again its massive?” Rodd asked Buzz.

“Oh, He just ate a load of mice guts, He should be good for a couple of weeks. my dad found him on one of his business trips, I swear he just keeps on growing and growing. Is it true French babes don't shave their pits?”

“Some don't.”

“But they got nude beaches?.”

“Not in the winter.”

“Buzz?” Kevin asked standing beside him and Rodd.

“Don't you know how to knock, phlegm-wad?”

“Can I sleep in your room? I don't want to sleep in the hide-a-bed with Fuller. If he has something to drink, he'll wet the bed.”

“I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass.” Buzz looked out the window. “Check it out. Old man Marley”. Rod, Kevin, and Buzz went over to the window and watched the Old Man outside..

“Who's he?” Rodd asked taking a gulp.

“You ever heard of the South Bend Stick Slayer?”

“No.”

“That's him. Back in '58, he murdered his whole family and half the people on his block... with a broken stick he snapped from a tree. Been hiding out in this neighborhood ever since.”

“If he's the Stick slayer, how come the cops don't arrest him?” Rodd asked pushing his glasses back on his face. Kevin watched his deer caught in the headlight look and suppressed a laugh. He was such a wimp he thought. 

“Not enough evidence to convict. They never found the bodies. But everyone around here knows he did it. It'll just be a matter of time before he does it again.”

“What's he doing now?”

“He walks up and down the street every night, salting the sidewalks.”

“Maybe he's just trying to be nice.”

“No way. You see that garbage can full of salt? That's where he keeps his victims. The salt turns the bodies into muggles.”

“Wow.”

“Muggles!?, that's what dad said,” Kevin said frowning, then the Old Man looked up them.  
:  
“Look out!” Buzz said quickly, shutting the curtain blinds.

Unbeknownst to them the old man shook his head and mumbled “damn squibs” before pulling out his wand and clearing the snow away from the driveway.


	2. Magic

Kevin left Buzz’s room more annoyed than before, he leaned on the stair frame and watched the police officer open his front door.

Since when did we get a guard 

“Okay, that's $122.50.” the pizza guy told the officer.

“Not from me, kid. I don't live here.”

“Oh, you just around for the holidays?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“Hey, pizza's here!”his uncle Frank shouted and Kevin stood up and headed down stairs.

“There you go. That's $122.50.”

“It's my brother's house. He'll take care of it. “

“Hey, listen... “ the officer tried to say to Frank but his father came into the room. 

“Hey.”

“Hi. Are you Mr. McCallister?”

“Yeah.”

“The Mr. McCallister who lives here?”

“Yes.”

“Good, because somebody owes me $122.50.”

“I'd like a word with you, sir.”

“Am I under arrest or something?”

“No, no, no, no. It's Christmas time. There's always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. So we're just checking the neighborhood to see if everyone's taking the proper precautions; that's all.”

“Oh, yeah. Well we have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors. That's about as well as anybody can do these days, right? Did you get some eggnog or something like that? “

Buzz then appeared pushing Kevin aside as he hit the bottom stair, he grabbed his father and lead him away: “Come on, Dad. Let's eat. “

“Jerk” Kevin said under his breath.

“Eggnog?” Listen, are you going to be leaving...?” tried to ask his dad.

Kevin smelt the deliciousness and yelled “Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!” running after his father and brother.

“Grab yourself a napkin, and you're going to have to pour your own drinks.”

“Mom, does Santa Claus have to go through customs?” his cousin asked his aunt Leslie.

“What time do we have to go to bed? Fuller asked his father Frank.

“Early. We're leaving the house at 8 a.m. On the button.”

Kevin wondered around the kitchen as his mom appeared “I hope you're all drinking milk. I want to get rid of it.”

“Honey, the pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.”

“For pizza?”

“10 pizzas times 12 bucks.”

“Frank, you've got money! Come on…”

“Traveler's checks.”

“Forget it, Frank. We have cash.”

“You probably got the checks that don't work in France.”

Kevin looked in each of the pizza boxes and stomped his feet down “Did anyone order me a plain cheese?”

“Oh, yeah, we did. But if you want any, somebody's gonna have to barf it up, because it's gone.” Buzz said scoffing down a pizza.

“Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.” Fuller looked at Kevin and smiled, Kevin felt the urge to hit someone.

“Kev! Kev, get a plate.” Buzz mocked him, holding his neck as he choked on his pizza

Kevin glared at him, then suddenly an invisible force slammed him into the table behind him, knocking the pepsi onto the passports. Kevin frowned and looked down at his hands and whispered “cool.”

“Passports! “ his father shouted getting up from his chair, trying to clean up the mess.

“No, no. Get these passports out of here.” his dad said to the other kids, they threw away a bunch of napkins, along with Kevin's airline ticket without anyone realizing.

Suddenly he felt a firm grip on his hand.

“What is the matter with you?” his mother said angrily at him.

“He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose. He knows I hate sausage and olives…”

“Look what you did, you little jerk!” his uncle shouted at him and everyone glared at him.

“It wasn’t me” he shouted back.

“Kevin, get upstairs right now.”

“Why?”

“Kevin, you're such a disease.”

“Shut up!”

“Kevin, upstairs!”

“Say good night, Kevin.”

“"Good night, Kevin." he snickered at everyone and his mother yanked him out of the kitchen.

“Why do I always get treated like scum?”

“Oh, I'm sorry. This house is just crazy. We've got all these extra kids running around and my brother-in-law drove in from Ohio today. It's just nuts.” His mom said handing the Pizza Boy some money.

“How come you didn't bring more cheese pizzas?”

“Nice tip. Thanks a lot.”

“Thanks.”

“Having a reunion or something?” the officer spoke up.

“Oh no. My husband's brother transferred to Paris last summer and both of his kids are still going to school here, and I guess he missed the whole family.” the officer smiled down at him, showing his gold tooth” He's giving us all this trip to Paris for the holidays, so we can be together.”

“You're taking a trip to Paris?”

“Yes. We hope to leave tomorrow morning.”

“Excellent. Excellent.”

“If you'll excuse me, this one's a little out of sorts. I'll be right back.” his mom smiled at the officer, then proceeded to drag him up the stairs.

“Don't worry about me. I spoke to your husband already. And don't worry about your home. It's in good hands.”

 

 

“There are 15 people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.”

“I'm the only one getting dumped on.”

“You're the only one acting up. Now get upstairs!”

“I am upstairs, dummy!” He said, then his mom opened the door to the third floor. 

“The third floor?”

“Go.”

“It's scary up there.”

“Don't be silly. Fuller will be up in a little while.”

“I don't want to sleep with Fuller. You know about him: he wets the bed. He'll pee all over me. I know it.”

“Fine, we'll put him somewhere else.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's too late. Get upstairs.”

“But mom, i swear it wasnt me. I wanted to but i didn't touch him, it was like it was magic. I swear” he pleaded. She seem to cover her mouth in shock and suddenly shook herself and frowned again.

“We will talk about it tomorrow, now get up there”

He walked up the stairs and stopped and turned around.

“Everyone in this family hates me.”

“Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.”

“I don't want a new family. I don't want any family. Families suck!”

“Just stay up there! I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.”

“I don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't want to see anybody else either.”

“I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.”

“No, I wouldn't.”

“Then say it again. Maybe it'll happen.”

“I hope I never see any of you jerks again.” he turned around and walked up the stairs, his mom closed the door. “I wish they would all just disappear.” he said jumping face first on the bed. He closed his eyes hard and repeated it again hoping someone or something would fulfill his wish.


End file.
